Tonight, Dan and I ventured out of the house for dinner; this was a feat for me considering most Friday nights you can find me laying on the couch, covered up, and not wanting to move. However, I did not want to wait for him to cook dinner, and I decided I could stomach some breaksticks and pizza...healthy choice for a pregnant girl. (yeah, right...) Don't worry, I used a napkin to soak up the extra grease off the top of my pizza and have had limited heartburn and acid reflux thanks to taking two Tums immediately after finishing. Regardless, as we were sitting there, this little boy walked in wearing his Spiderman costume; Dan and I immediately commented on how cute he was which then lead us to discussing whether or not we would allow our children to wear costumes or dress up outfits out in public. For those of you who care, we will be those parents that allow their children to express their creativity by wearing costumes, dress up outfits, mismatched socks, and unmatched outfits in general. I told Dan I might draw the line at not letting our children get too crazy with what they wear to church, but to Wal-Mart, out to dinner, and to grandparents' houses their imaginations can soar. As Dan said, "You are only a kid once!"

Anyway, a few weeks have passed since I last posted, unfortunately the morning sickness/all day sickness has not subsided. Everyone continues telling me that it will get better and I will not be so sick, but I'm beginning to wonder if that day will ever arrive. It's been 10.5 weeks since I started being sick, and trust me, it's only intensified. I started on Unisom (yes, the sleeping medicine; it used to be marketed as an anti-nausea medicine, my medically minded husband asked the pharmacist), it worked for about a week. I added B6 to the Unisom, that worked for about another week, and I finally got a prescription written today for Zofran. My fingers are crossed that it provides some sort of relief.

Otherwise, all seems to be going well in the pregnancy; minus the fact the doctors are questioning whether I am as far along as what they originally thought I was. The doctor I met today told me that he thought I was two weeks behind; (this would mean I am only 13 weeks instead of 15) the more I thought about it, the more I realized that would mean that when I took my pregnancy test I would have only been pregnant for a day or two. This is nearly impossible considering the test would have shown up negative if that were the case. Of course I did not argue, but that does mean that I had to push back the ultrasound where we will find out what we are having to December 6th; that's only like 5.5 weeks away(ish) but, it was originally scheduled for November 22nd. So unfortunately, Baby Dyson's wardrobe will not benefit from any Black Friday shopping. Sad day. But on a happier note, Baby's heartbeat was in the 150s today!

In other news, my third MSW class finished, volleyball is over for Northfield, work is blah, my fourth MSW class started, i get to sleep in tomorrow for the first time in over a month or perhaps two, another one of my closest friends is pregnant, I miss India, one of my absolute best friends from college is coming to stay next Friday, and I love my small group girls.

Volleyball ended on a rather bittersweet note for us this year; we lost in the sectional championship to our county rivals whom we already beat once earlier in the season. The reality is, though, regardless of how it ended, our girls still had a tremendous season, and it's a privilege to coach girls who have good sportsmanship, positive morals, and good character. Next year will be just as exciting, and it will be here before I know it.

Work isn't even really worth writing about right now; it's so hard for me when things are not fair for my clients and I cannot make them fair. It renders me speechless really, and to make matters worse, our beloved secretary left this week. I'm hoping and praying that after a long weekend over Thanksgiving, my attitude will be different.

Speaking of praying, I have recently started praying for God to show up in a big way for a friend of mine. Because our God is a God who knows what this specific request is, for those of you who read this, would you take a minute and ask for God to show up as well? Maybe one day I will be able to share more details, but for now, I am trusting that He hears my prayers and has a perfect plan.

Anyway, that's all for now, it's only 9:30 and I'm already contemplating going to bed...I might as well take advantage of this while I can, before I know it, I will be very sleep deprived caring for an infant.

Alright, alright; let's be honest, I've been an epic failure at keeping this blog updated. For those of you who care, I apologize. If I am being honest, part of it has been intentional and yet the other part has simply been because I have been so busy, sometimes dreadfully so. Regardless, down to business!

I started this blog the summer of my sophomore year of college, if I do the math correctly, that means I started it 4 1/2 years ago. That just seems CRAZY to me. I started this blog with the intention of not only journaling my life, but also to use it as a tool to grow in my relationship with Christ. And, I feel like He has taken me so many different places in these past 4 1/2 years...literally and emotionally.

Four and a half years ago, I had just lost my grandpa, was living at home for the summer, working on my dad's farm, and longing to be back at school living in community. Four and a half years ago, I was single, had never held down a full time job, and had only been to India one time. And now here I am; holding down a full time job, been married for over a year, have traveled to India three times since starting my blog, am in Graduate school, and have grown in ways I never fathomed. I can truly look back over my life and say God has been SO faithful.

And I plan to continue this blog as I start on a new journey...a journey that I have longed for, hoped for, anxiously awaited, and am so excited about. Being a mom. Being a mom has been my lifelong dream; I've always loved babies, I've always been drawn to young kids, and I was always "that" kid who was obsessed with playing house. While I know there are going to be many challenges that come along the way, I am looking forward to seeing how God reveals his faithfulness in this area of my life as well.

So, the whole reason that updating my blog has been so delayed is because the news did not become public until last week. But, I am back now, and I will continue recording the journey that I am on as God shapes me into the woman he has called me to be.

Anyway, besides being pregnant, life has continued flying by. I am almost done with my third MSW class, work continues being crazy, and volleyball has been simply fabulous. It has been such a privilege to help coach this group of girls this year; they have demonstrated true heart, have persevered through difficulties, and have been a joy to be around. I am excited to see how they finish out the season.

Work, eh...well, it's work. There's always a lot that is going on it seems, and right now it's just frustrating, but this too shall pass. And MSW, this class has been super informative, and I continue loving the online setting.

Being pregnant on top of work, volleyball, and school has made life infinitely more difficult. I've been sick for 8 weeks now; it started out that I was only sick in the evenings for about the first two weeks, and for about the last six weeks, I've been sick all day, e.v.e.r.y. day. I've been exhausted, and often find myself in bed by 10:00. I have to shower at night because in the mornings I usually can't stand long enough to shower without getting sick, and if I don't eat at least every three hours, there is a good possibility that if there is a couch, I will be laying on it. I'm still alive, though, and still very thankful to even have the opportunity to go through this. The end result will be so worth it. I'd be lying, though, if I didn't say that I am very ready for the second trimester; c'mon one more week!!

Also, I feel as though it is important to mention that the OB doctor I chose is from none other than INDIA. I've only actually met her one time, but I love her accent and how much it reminds me of my family halfway around the world. I am so excited for the staff and children at the orphanage to find out that I am expecting, and I am hoping and praying that sooner, rather than later, my family halfway around the world will be able to meet our little bundle of joy.

Anyway, I promise updates more regularly; if for nothing else, for me to document and remember my pregnancy because I have no doubt that it will fly by. And also because in 4 1/2 years from now, I will want to look back on this time in my life and to see how specifically God is showing up.

I am so blessed.

And did I mention how great of a husband I have? Because I really do have a great one...really, I do. He is the best, and he, too, is so excited for this new journey.

today i am thankful.

1. i am thankful for the fact that i've already finished cleaning my house, and it's only 12:30 on saturday afternoon.
2. i am thankful that last week i was able to spend time with my sister and my sweet niece. it was good for my heart.
3. i am thankful, still, that it is volleyball season. i love the girls, i love the friendships i have developed with the coaches, and i love that it is a distraction from work.
4. i am thankful for friends who know me well enough to know when something is off, friends who understand the frustrations that come along with my job, and for friends who know when i just need someone to tell me they understand and that whatever i am going through will be ok.
5. i am thankful for an understanding, incredibly patient husband.
6. i am thankful for two weeks off of classes to relax and to not have to do homework.
7. i am thankful for my time spent in india over the years. i desperately miss it, but the memories live on.
8. i am thankful for the opportunities my job gives me to interact with people who are overlooked in society.
9. i am thankful for my family and my husband's family, and for the supports they are to us.
10. i am thankful for God's faithfulness and His infinite wisdom as He guides me through life's journey and shows me my next step.

for the past two weeks my weekend goals have been; paint my toenails and blog. i was an epic failure until today. my toenails are freshly painted, and even though i should be finishing up my homework assignment, i am blogging instead.

i feel like life lately has been chaotic. work has not slowed down for about six weeks now. yes, that's right, six weeks. and this week i worked overtime for the first time in months. unfortunately, the full moon is not to blame for the whole time. i'm not sure what is really...but my days are always busy. being busy helps the hours go by more quickly at work, but that's about all it helps. one of my very dear friends asked me this week if i ever think about quitting my job; i told her at least 5 times a day. (ha.) i don't mean that, though, but i'm just ready for things to slow down. i continue to love what i do and love the opportunities i have to invest in some of the most overlooked people in society; i think that i will feel better after i have an opportunity to catch up on all my paperwork in the office. in all realily that doesn't seem to be in the plans for this week, but i will keep on and carry on.

outside of work i'm LOVING that it is volleyball season and all that it entails; it definitely is something that has helped keep me sane even though it adds to the craziness of my schedule. regardless, i love being able to go in the gym and play with the girls, have conversations with the girls, spend time with the coaches, help teach the girls what they can do different to improve their game, and so much more. i don't think the girls realize how important they are to me, but i'm beyond thankful that i have the opportunity to be part of their lives.

my MSW program is continuing on in the midst of work and volleyball as well. i have about a week and a half left until i am done with my first semester. at this point in time, i would definitely be willing to tell anyone that i am ready for a break. i'm loving that i am learning new things that i can apply to my work now, but i can already tell you that i am looking forward to two years from now when i have my degree.

so in the midst of all of this, God has continued being faithful as per usual. i've seen Him give me strength to make it through a seemingly never-ending week of work, i've seen Him show up in my friends' lives, i've seen Him be in the midst of some of the relationships i have with girls my age and girls younger than me, i've seen Him use those same people in my life, i've seen Him teach me to remember that He is in control at all times over all circumstances, and i've seen Him rekindle my passion for global missions.

i wish more than anything i had the flexibility and ability to go see my children in india; quite frankly my heart aches to hold them in my arms again, laugh with them, tickle them, take their pictures, and love them well. i've been reminded, though, that my God, our God is big enough to work without me being there; and i've learned to trust that He knows what He is doing by having me complete my MSW now prior to searching for ways to serve internationally. it's hard a lot of times, and it makes me want to cry a lot of times to have to wait, but i know God has big things in store for me right now too. and i must be obedient in the here and the now.

so for now, i will continue trusting that God has me right where He wants me, and He is perfectly ordaining my steps with every intricate detail of my life.

July 31, 2010

it's anniversary weekend. where did the time go?! it's so hard for me to believe that i married the man i had been praying for basically my entire life a year ago. the year has FLOWN by and i wouldn't trade a second of it for anything. we've learned about one another and grown closer to each other and each other's families more than i ever thought possible. i am so incredibly blessed. and i can honestly say i am more in love now than i was last year...i only hope that we continue to fall more and more in love each day.





one thing i especially love about my fabulous husband is his patience with me. my a&p final was on friday, and let's just say i was stressed beyond words. i was freaking out and cranky, and yet he often would just smile at me or attempt to offer a comforting word about how he knew i could do it. well, the good news is, i passed my final and the class, and he did not kill me in the midst of stressing out. he did tell me, though, that if i am ever that stressed again he is just going to go ahead and murder me to save us both the trouble. thankfully, though, he also told me he was kidding.





we're a bunch of jokesters around here.





now that a&p is done, i only have 3.5 weeks of my MSW class until i have a 2 week break from ALL classes. and for that, i am thankful. it isn't that i am not enjoying my classes, because i definitely am, but i think a break will do me some good. it's hard to believe that i've almost completed my first semester. only 6 to go!





and Monday officially starts one of my favorite times of the year. volleyball season! most people think i am absolutely crazy dedicating my time somewhere else, but i don't care what most people think. helping with volleyball gives me opportunities to not only build relationships with high school girls but it also helps take my mind off all the craziness i experience at my job and allows me to hang out with some pretty fabulous adults too. as much as the girls are dreading three-a-days and the conditioning, i can hardly wait to get into the gym on Monday morning. probably because i do not do the work outs with them; yes, that's right, though, i took Monday off work to go help.





as far as the work place is concerned, not much has changed. since the full moon week, i have continued to have some pretty crappy weeks. but like i told one of my dear friends, things always get better, and that is something i am trusting in.





for now, though, i must go get ready for my date night with my handsome husband. i am grateful and thankful for the blessing God has placed in my life.

i survived another week at work during a full moon. i had no idea that it was even a full moon until i was complaining to my husband about how busy and eventful my week had been...i believe the conversation went a little like this:

"the moon was SO huge this morning when i left; it was like shining a light in my back window and i didn't know what it was at first!" -daniel

"really? that's so cool; i wish i could have seen it." -me

"yeah, it was really pretty." -daniel

"wait...you mean to tell me that it's full moon?? NO WONDER MY WEEK HAS BEEN NUTS!" -me

and i believe he probably laughed and shook his head at me being dramatic and probably called me ridiculous, because that's just what we do.

but anyway, the real purpose of this post is not just to talk about my crazy week but to talk about how good of a God i serve.

truly, i do. and i am amazed at how He meets my needs even before i ask. you see, obviously, earlier this week i was frustrated and drained with work, and then today, one of my clients handed me a letter thanking me for helping her through this difficult time in her life and telling me how much my support has meant to her over these past five months. talk about humbling. my job is a pretty "thankless" job; clients very rarely say thank you and because there is often a lack of progress made by the people i work with it often seems like my efforts are in vain; so i was completely unprepared for this letter. but God knew i needed it.

and then, just tonight as i was laying on the couch doing homework feeling frustrated, my cell phone rings and it was one of my dear friends telling me that she was thinking of me and wanted to call and to let me know. she had no idea that i was frustrated with school work nor did she know that i had been feeling lonely tonight and my mind was full of worry, but God did.

and as i hung up with her, i felt like God was saying to me, "when are you going to trust Me with the big things? I meet your needs before you even realize they are needs, and yet you perpetually worry about what tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year have in store for you."

W. O. A. H.

i think that lesson is something that i always have known, but hearing it, feeling it, whatever you want to consider it really puts things into perspective. so this is my feeble attempt at holding myself more accountable at trusting. at having faith. and knowing that HE is in complete control.

forgive my short comings, my faults, and my selfishness. help me see You in every situation; allow me to know that worry does nothing to draw me closer to You. i desire You and Your plans for my life that You have given to me. help me honor You through the way i live my life. show me my next steps according to Your Will and help my unbelief.

tonight, my heart is heavy. there are days where i come home from work exhausted not only from running from appointment to appointment but emotionally exhausted. and usually i can distract myself with homework since i have had so much of it to do lately, but tonight, i could barely concentrate as i studied the muscles of the human body. (seriously, i really do not think i need anatomy and physiology for my MSW, but i only have 3 weeks left; perseverance is key.)

regardless, today was one of those days where i could not get ahead. i had scheduled all four of my appointments back to back. 9:30, 11:00, 12:30, 2:00. Well, i knew it was going to be a hectic day when i left my first appointment at 11:15, arrived at my second appointment at 11:40, made it to my third appointment at 12:35, and made it to my last appointment at 2:15 where i stayed until 4:45. thankfully, the appointments i was drastically late to were gracious to me...

regardless, sometimes as i reflect on my time spent with clients, i have absolutely, positively no idea how the conversations happen as they do. how does one rationalize to a 5 year old that even though for the past 18 months he has seen his parents once a week that he is now going to have to wait 6 months until he seems them again? this is made infinitely harder when a 5 year old really does not have a good concept of time. and how does one even begin to unpack the statement that he said he felt like he didn't belong because he has lived in so many homes? keep in mind, he is 5. i say it again 5, not even started kindergarten yet, and these are the kind of statements he's asking and things he thinking. and how does one emphasize to a teenage girl who has lost her mom and has now been removed from her father's care that people really do care about her? that there is hope for her? that her situation is going to get better?

really? i stop and say, really? these are real people i am dealing with. real, live human beings who are fragile. life has been unfair to them. and even though i have been trained as a social worker, i have not been given a magic wand to wave all of these feelings, emotions, or problems away from the people that i come in contact with each and every day. and these are only two of the four people i met with today...

it doesn't make sense to me, and it breaks my heart. it breaks my heart that as i sit here and type this, i know there are so many more people who are not my clients that are having similar feelings, thoughts, and emotions that those i work with do who are not getting help, who are alone and afraid. even moreso than the ones i walk closely beside are. and i, again, say, really?

today was one of those days i questioned why i am pursuing my masters...why do i do this to myself day in and day out? and i know the answer, but sometimes i say, "why me, Lord? why have you placed me in this field to see the things that i see, to hear the things that i hear, to know the things that i know?" and i think He just has to smile at me, while He gently nudges me along, holding my hand and guiding me in the right direction.

life does not make sense. it is unfair. things are unjust. it is discouraging at times. and yet it makes me realize how much we need His Kingdom to come and His Will to be done. and if this is how He chooses to use me to make that happen, then i say, your servant is willing, Abba. use me, mold me, teach me, shape me, grow me, and allow me to be your hands and feet.