tonight is one of those nights that i have to cling to the truth more than ever that one day HE will set all things right.

Lord, You are in control. You have heard my desperate cries and i know you will reveal your sovereignty somewhere, somehow. strengthen all of us who deal with the brokenness Satan's evil schemes have caused in the lives of so many who are desperate for you. remind me to choose joy. may i see You more clearly.

sometimes i just need to reflect on something that has happened during my day to remind me that i really do love my job. and today's reflection just happens to be a little humorous that happened at my client's today:

"mooooooooooooooom, i need toilet paper, i took a dump."
as the mom rolls her eyes, confused as to why her daughter decided to use the upstairs bathroom. she yells for her daughter to hold on and proceeds to go get her the toilet paper she needs and walks it up the stairs to her. to which i hear:
"hey mom, tell liz i just took a dump."

sometimes i hear things i could have gone without hearing for the day. today's happened to be funny, but there are other days when the things i hear are sad, disheartening, disgusting, frustrating, and a whole slew of other things. but i am thankful to be blessed with a burden for others. what a privilege it is to be chosen in the way that i am.

sometimes, i am amazed at how much control i try to hold over my life. but maybe what amazes me isn't that i try to hold control, but maybe it's that i continue trying to hold control time after time after time when i know Who is in control of my life. and what really gets me is that i don't often recognize what i am doing until i have to be broken from it yet again.

i think that i have always been a planner. i love being able to fit seeing everyone i want into a weeks time span, i love my actual planner where my hours are planned out in front of me, and i love having a schedule for my own life as to where things need to occur. and planning in itself isn't a bad thing, but when i forget to incorporate the One who actually holds me in His hands, it becomes a battle for me to relinquish control to Him. just this morning, before i got out of bed, i was laying there trying to plan how i could work out the next, oh say, 2 years of my life so that i could do everything i wanted to do in that amount of time. and now, about 45 minutes later, i am trying not to laugh at my foolishness.

and i don't say that because i have figured out how to completely hand control over to Him, because i haven't, but i have once again recognized that i am being foolish. and i have once again recognized that i am not fully living for today but the days to come, and that is not something i want.

so, as i go about my day today, i am going to try my hardest to live for today, and to not be so concerned about 2 years from now. i am going to try my hardest to be obedient to what the Lord has called me to even if i can't see the end result and trust that He truly is in full control over even the tiniest details of my life.

sometimes i just have to stop and praise the Lord for His faithfulness. these past couple weeks have by no means been a walk in the park as far as work is concerned. but as i was leaving my last client's house today, her mom was shutting the door behind me, and she said, "thanks liz, for all you've done."

my heart melted. it's the little comments like that keep me going.

and then, if that wasn't good enough, was i pulled away from their house, i was directly facing a half of a rainbow. Praise the Lord for meeting us where we are at.

each and every day, i am thankful for the blessings the Lord has placed in my life. however, on my birthday, i am always that much more thankful. i am thankful for the year that has past and for the year that is ahead of me and all the joys it has to offer me. so, as tradition would have it, here's a list of 24 things i am thankful for today on my 24th birthday.

1. a relationship with my Heavenly Father that is intimate and continually growing.
2. my husband and the journey we've been on and are on together.
3. my family; for their support, the laughter we share, and the foundation they gave me.
4. my friends; my best friend, my long time friends, my new friends, my work friends, my camp friends, all of my friends :)
5. india and my precious children halfway around the world who have taught me the importance of loving boldly.
6. my job; for the opportunities it gives me to be Jesus' hands and feet to those who otherwise have the potential to fall through the cracks in society.
7. little kids and babies; for their innocence and the joy they possess that reminds me to be thankful for the little things.
8. a relaxing night/weekend; because they are few and far between.
9. coffee; for the way it warms me up in the winter and the routine it provides me with in the mornings.
10. having my house clean, laundry done, and everything organized; because it makes me feel like i've accomplished something when it's all said and done.
11. volleyball this year; for the relationships i developed and the privilege it was to in a way be a part of a team again.
12. laughter; for the refreshment it brings and for being able to make others laugh.
13. starry clear nights; for the creativity it shows of my Creator.
14. hand written letters; writing them and receiving them; being able to make someones day in a simple yet significant way.
15. reading; for the escape it provides and the wisdom it brings.
16. sunrises/sunsets; the reminders they provide on new beginnings.
17. hugs; the way they have the ability to comfort in ways that others are unaware.
18. deep conversations; the fact that they make me feel alive afterwards.
19. being able to keep in contact with friends and family easily; phone calls, texting, facebook, emails, etc.
20. dreaming big for the future; thinking of all the possibilities of the ways in which God could use a broken vessel like me.
21. hearing others' stories; the way they remind me of the Body of Christ.
22. time alone; the relaxation and rejuvenation that occurs afterwards.
23. investing in others; being able to see other people recognize their strengths and abilities and talents just because they've hade someone believe in them.
24. memories; the fact that they remind me of the past, that i know they are always constant even in a state of change, and the ability they have to always make me laugh.

i am so thankful.
i am so blessed.
i am so looking forward to my 24th year and all that is in store.

one of my favorite thing about lazy saturdays is coffee in the afternoons instead of the mornings. another one of my favorite things of today is that i can look out my big picture windows and see the snow falling.

i feel like the past few weeks have been a blur. i've thought about sitting down to update this quite a few times, but i'm pretty sure i just went to bed early instead. so here i am today; thankful for the stillness and still excited from the happenings of my week.

for those of you who haven't heard, i took on a new role at my job. i'm still doing everything i was doing, so really, it's just an added responsibility that i had training on for two days this week. long story short, Grant County, where i work, is bringing a framework for all youth services providers (educators, caseworkers, youth pastors, etc.) to use called the 40 Developmental Assets. These assets are 40 things that kids need to be successful; they are separated into two catergories, which are internal and external. and then they are broken down into eight smaller categories as well. anyway, this framework will provide a common language among service providers throughout the county who are serving kids with hopes to bring more assets into their lives so that they can be as successful as possible. pretty exciting if you ask me.

regardless, as i sat through the training, i was forced to look at my own life and to think about who has had an impact on or who has helped develop assets in my life. i was humbled as i sat there and thought about the way my parents encouraged me, as well as my grandma; i was grateful to think about all of the positive coaches i had in my life who took the time to invest in my life; i was amazed at the memories i have from people from church and church camp; and the list could go on and on.

and then i had to take a look at myself in another light. about whether or not i am doing all i can to invest in the people who are in my life. and i took it step farther to look at it from a Christian perspective...and i asked myself, am i doing what the Lord has called me to and am i helping to develop assets in people's lives i am a part of?

in some situations i felt like i could answer with a confident yes, but in other situations that came to my mind, i felt as though i could be working a little harder. and as i go about my days now, i am trying my hardest to take the time to notice those i often would overlook or to take the time to send that extra text message just to let someone know i was thinking about them.

another one of the coolest things about this training was that it emphasized that EVERYONE can make a difference in other people's lives. and it is so true. we never know how much of difference a smile, a card, a hug, a high five, or taking someone out for dinner can make. and it's humbling to think that we have the ability to make a difference without even knowing it.

my favorite quote from the whole two day training was this, "every child needs to be loved irrationally by one person--but better yet, they deserve it from more than one."

and it's so true; they do.

and i have a thousand times over this week thanked the Lord for giving me a heart as big as he has. while sometimes having a heart like mine comes with much heartache; i wouldn't trade it for anything. and i am so grateful for what He has entrusted me with and so blessed to be able to simply be His Hands and Feet.

as i sat in training, the thought kept occurring to me; i love my job. i love what i am doing outside of work. i love making a difference no matter how small or whether or not the results are able to be seen immediately. and as i sat in training it was definitely affirmed that i am passionate about people.

pretty much, the best way i can sum all of this up is by a Shane Claiborne quote i found several years ago, "...I want to be a lover of God and a lover of people."

life is such an amazing journey, and i'm choosing to find joy along the way. My Jesus is ever so faithful, even in the most difficult of times, and i am trusting him to carry me along the way when i don't have the strength to love others as well as i would like.

but for now, i leave you with the truth, reality and fact, that YOU too can make more a difference in the people's lives you are already in than you may ever know. don't underestimate how far even the smallest gesture can go.

praise God for working in our weaknesses to bring Him glory.

it seems strange that i am finally able to update this from my own house. being on the waiting list for the internet for 3+ months really put a damper on my blogging. but, let's be serious, who knows if i'll be any more consistent now than i was for the past few months. regardless.

tonight, i find myself r e l a x e d. and so thankful for that feeling. even though there is laundry that needs folded and a destroyed cotton ball on my floor that i let my cat play with that needs picked up, i'm ok with letting the laundry remain unfolded until tomorrow and the cotton ball to be there for at least 15 more minutes.

it's hard to believe that it's already the middle of November, that i've been married for three and a half months, that i've been at my job for over a year, that i've been back from india for five months, and that my life is still so uncertain even though it seems so stable.

i feel like no one ever tells you that after you graduate college, get a job, and get married that your life really isn't perfect. now, i really have no complaints, but the harsh reality is that the age range from the time you graduate college until who knows when is just absolutely unknown. sure, you can plan for your weeks and weekends, but looking five years down the road, who really knows what that looks like...so all those five year plans that i have made and remade in the past year really don't have much meaning other than that they are my big dreams that i refuse to quit chasing until God shows me otherwise.

but in the midst of all the uncertainty, i've realized how good i had it in elementary, high school, and college. my days were planned and the years to come after that were pretty well planned out for me as well. all i had to worry about was what i was going to wear the next day, and even then i really didn't have to worry about that. while i disliked my high school years for various reasons, i am so tempted to volunteer to go back to that.

but, i can't. so instead of wishing, and hoping, and dreaming of things that can't really happen; i instead shall wish, hope, and dream for the future, even if the journey to whatever the future holds is rough.

ok, i digress. where to now...?

oh yes, my whole purpose in this blog...i want to tell all of you (whoever all of you are) about a conversation i had with someone last week. i've changed her name, but let me give a little background on this story.

before this conversation happened, i was with this person the day she was taken to the hospital. she is a rather young mother, whom i have never talked with about me being a Christian. (simply because i can't; not because i choose to, but because my job tells me i can't...) regardless. as i sat in her living room the following week, this is the conversation that ensued:

Sue: "You know, there is no reason that I am here today..."
Me: "What do you mean, Sue?"
Sue: "Well, I shouldn't be here, there is no reason that I lived."
Me: "Of course there is a reason that you lived..."
Pause in conversation...
Sue: "Do you believe in guardian angels?"
Me: "Well, I believe in angels, why?"
Sue: "Because I had to have a guardian angel or something watching over me last week, because there is no reason I should be here."
Me: "Well, I can understand what you're saying, but the way you're talking about a guardian angel is how I view God. And that God protects me, and I believe that God was protecting you last week."
Sue: "Yeah...because there is no reason I should still be here."
Me: "Yes, there is a reason you are still here. You have three beautiful children you have to take care of."
Sue: "Yeah, I am here to take care of my children."
Me: "Yes, you are. No one can ever take your place of doing that."
Sue: "Yeah, well, I knew I could talk to you about this because I know you believe in God and because you are a Christian."
Me: "Yes, I do believe in God, and I am a Christian."
Pause in conversation and ten minute diversion to another topic...
Sue: "Did you pray for me that day?"
Me: "Yes, I did. I prayed for you my whole way home from work that day, and I pray for you and your family often."
Sue: "Well, I knew you did because you are a Christian."
Me: "Mmmhmm."
Sue: "Well thanks."

And the conversation was dropped.

but i walked out of that house in awe of the way God has used me in her life without me even knowing it. and i walked out of that house in awe that the Lord has chosen a broken vessel like me to impact His Kingdom in ways that i am not even aware of.

did i lead that women to Christ in her living room that day? no, i did not. but do i believe i was obedient to what the Lord was asking me to do that day? yes, i do. and did it make me realize that prayer truly does change things? yes, it absolutely did.

and God deserves all the glory for that.

in other news, i'm longing to get back to my children in india. however, that is not new news. there is not one single day that goes by that i don't think of them or long to hold them in my arms. and before i sat down to write tonight, as i was painting my fingernails, i was just watching their pictures scroll by on my screensaver. their smiles brought tears to my eyes. even their joy caught for a brief second in a picture is enough to overwhelm my heart and cause me to rejoice that i have been so blessed to have spent time with them. i love that they have taught me so much about loving boldly and unconditionally.

more and more i am realizing how God uses those younger than us to teach us lessons. i think of the lessons my children in india have taught me, how much my client's have taught me, how much some of my volleyball girls have taught me, and i consider it a privilege to know each and every young person that Lord has brought into my life. i can only hope and pray that the He has used me and will continue using me in all of their lives; whether or not i see the impact here on this earth, i want to be obedient to whatever He has called me to.

oh life...there is never a dull moment, and i am so thankful that i am living for a Purpose. i'm sure i could continue on and on about the ways i've seen God show up in my life...but i'll save it for another day. afterall, i have the internet now, so i can update more often, and that cotton that is all over my floor really needs picked up at this moment. but as i go to bed tonight, i am going to go to bed thanking God for his faithfulness. and i hope and pray that wherever you are whenever you read this you will pause and thank Him for his faithfulness as well.