for the past two weeks my weekend goals have been; paint my toenails and blog. i was an epic failure until today. my toenails are freshly painted, and even though i should be finishing up my homework assignment, i am blogging instead.
i feel like life lately has been chaotic. work has not slowed down for about six weeks now. yes, that's right, six weeks. and this week i worked overtime for the first time in months. unfortunately, the full moon is not to blame for the whole time. i'm not sure what is really...but my days are always busy. being busy helps the hours go by more quickly at work, but that's about all it helps. one of my very dear friends asked me this week if i ever think about quitting my job; i told her at least 5 times a day. (ha.) i don't mean that, though, but i'm just ready for things to slow down. i continue to love what i do and love the opportunities i have to invest in some of the most overlooked people in society; i think that i will feel better after i have an opportunity to catch up on all my paperwork in the office. in all realily that doesn't seem to be in the plans for this week, but i will keep on and carry on.
outside of work i'm LOVING that it is volleyball season and all that it entails; it definitely is something that has helped keep me sane even though it adds to the craziness of my schedule. regardless, i love being able to go in the gym and play with the girls, have conversations with the girls, spend time with the coaches, help teach the girls what they can do different to improve their game, and so much more. i don't think the girls realize how important they are to me, but i'm beyond thankful that i have the opportunity to be part of their lives.
my MSW program is continuing on in the midst of work and volleyball as well. i have about a week and a half left until i am done with my first semester. at this point in time, i would definitely be willing to tell anyone that i am ready for a break. i'm loving that i am learning new things that i can apply to my work now, but i can already tell you that i am looking forward to two years from now when i have my degree.
so in the midst of all of this, God has continued being faithful as per usual. i've seen Him give me strength to make it through a seemingly never-ending week of work, i've seen Him show up in my friends' lives, i've seen Him be in the midst of some of the relationships i have with girls my age and girls younger than me, i've seen Him use those same people in my life, i've seen Him teach me to remember that He is in control at all times over all circumstances, and i've seen Him rekindle my passion for global missions.
i wish more than anything i had the flexibility and ability to go see my children in india; quite frankly my heart aches to hold them in my arms again, laugh with them, tickle them, take their pictures, and love them well. i've been reminded, though, that my God, our God is big enough to work without me being there; and i've learned to trust that He knows what He is doing by having me complete my MSW now prior to searching for ways to serve internationally. it's hard a lot of times, and it makes me want to cry a lot of times to have to wait, but i know God has big things in store for me right now too. and i must be obedient in the here and the now.
so for now, i will continue trusting that God has me right where He wants me, and He is perfectly ordaining my steps with every intricate detail of my life.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
July 31, 2010it's anniversary weekend. where did the time go?! it's so hard for me to believe that i married the man i had been praying for basically my entire life a year ago. the year has FLOWN by and i wouldn't trade a second of it for anything. we've learned about one another and grown closer to each other and each other's families more than i ever thought possible. i am so incredibly blessed. and i can honestly say i am more in love now than i was last year...i only hope that we continue to fall more and more in love each day.
one thing i especially love about my fabulous husband is his patience with me. my a&p final was on friday, and let's just say i was stressed beyond words. i was freaking out and cranky, and yet he often would just smile at me or attempt to offer a comforting word about how he knew i could do it. well, the good news is, i passed my final and the class, and he did not kill me in the midst of stressing out. he did tell me, though, that if i am ever that stressed again he is just going to go ahead and murder me to save us both the trouble. thankfully, though, he also told me he was kidding.
we're a bunch of jokesters around here.
now that a&p is done, i only have 3.5 weeks of my MSW class until i have a 2 week break from ALL classes. and for that, i am thankful. it isn't that i am not enjoying my classes, because i definitely am, but i think a break will do me some good. it's hard to believe that i've almost completed my first semester. only 6 to go!
and Monday officially starts one of my favorite times of the year. volleyball season! most people think i am absolutely crazy dedicating my time somewhere else, but i don't care what most people think. helping with volleyball gives me opportunities to not only build relationships with high school girls but it also helps take my mind off all the craziness i experience at my job and allows me to hang out with some pretty fabulous adults too. as much as the girls are dreading three-a-days and the conditioning, i can hardly wait to get into the gym on Monday morning. probably because i do not do the work outs with them; yes, that's right, though, i took Monday off work to go help.
as far as the work place is concerned, not much has changed. since the full moon week, i have continued to have some pretty crappy weeks. but like i told one of my dear friends, things always get better, and that is something i am trusting in.
for now, though, i must go get ready for my date night with my handsome husband. i am grateful and thankful for the blessing God has placed in my life.
Friday, July 15, 2011
i survived another week at work during a full moon. i had no idea that it was even a full moon until i was complaining to my husband about how busy and eventful my week had been...i believe the conversation went a little like this:
"the moon was SO huge this morning when i left; it was like shining a light in my back window and i didn't know what it was at first!" -daniel
"really? that's so cool; i wish i could have seen it." -me
"yeah, it was really pretty." -daniel
"wait...you mean to tell me that it's full moon?? NO WONDER MY WEEK HAS BEEN NUTS!" -me
and i believe he probably laughed and shook his head at me being dramatic and probably called me ridiculous, because that's just what we do.
but anyway, the real purpose of this post is not just to talk about my crazy week but to talk about how good of a God i serve.
truly, i do. and i am amazed at how He meets my needs even before i ask. you see, obviously, earlier this week i was frustrated and drained with work, and then today, one of my clients handed me a letter thanking me for helping her through this difficult time in her life and telling me how much my support has meant to her over these past five months. talk about humbling. my job is a pretty "thankless" job; clients very rarely say thank you and because there is often a lack of progress made by the people i work with it often seems like my efforts are in vain; so i was completely unprepared for this letter. but God knew i needed it.
and then, just tonight as i was laying on the couch doing homework feeling frustrated, my cell phone rings and it was one of my dear friends telling me that she was thinking of me and wanted to call and to let me know. she had no idea that i was frustrated with school work nor did she know that i had been feeling lonely tonight and my mind was full of worry, but God did.
and as i hung up with her, i felt like God was saying to me, "when are you going to trust Me with the big things? I meet your needs before you even realize they are needs, and yet you perpetually worry about what tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year have in store for you."
W. O. A. H.
i think that lesson is something that i always have known, but hearing it, feeling it, whatever you want to consider it really puts things into perspective. so this is my feeble attempt at holding myself more accountable at trusting. at having faith. and knowing that HE is in complete control.
forgive my short comings, my faults, and my selfishness. help me see You in every situation; allow me to know that worry does nothing to draw me closer to You. i desire You and Your plans for my life that You have given to me. help me honor You through the way i live my life. show me my next steps according to Your Will and help my unbelief.
"the moon was SO huge this morning when i left; it was like shining a light in my back window and i didn't know what it was at first!" -daniel
"really? that's so cool; i wish i could have seen it." -me
"yeah, it was really pretty." -daniel
"wait...you mean to tell me that it's full moon?? NO WONDER MY WEEK HAS BEEN NUTS!" -me
and i believe he probably laughed and shook his head at me being dramatic and probably called me ridiculous, because that's just what we do.
but anyway, the real purpose of this post is not just to talk about my crazy week but to talk about how good of a God i serve.
truly, i do. and i am amazed at how He meets my needs even before i ask. you see, obviously, earlier this week i was frustrated and drained with work, and then today, one of my clients handed me a letter thanking me for helping her through this difficult time in her life and telling me how much my support has meant to her over these past five months. talk about humbling. my job is a pretty "thankless" job; clients very rarely say thank you and because there is often a lack of progress made by the people i work with it often seems like my efforts are in vain; so i was completely unprepared for this letter. but God knew i needed it.
and then, just tonight as i was laying on the couch doing homework feeling frustrated, my cell phone rings and it was one of my dear friends telling me that she was thinking of me and wanted to call and to let me know. she had no idea that i was frustrated with school work nor did she know that i had been feeling lonely tonight and my mind was full of worry, but God did.
and as i hung up with her, i felt like God was saying to me, "when are you going to trust Me with the big things? I meet your needs before you even realize they are needs, and yet you perpetually worry about what tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year have in store for you."
W. O. A. H.
i think that lesson is something that i always have known, but hearing it, feeling it, whatever you want to consider it really puts things into perspective. so this is my feeble attempt at holding myself more accountable at trusting. at having faith. and knowing that HE is in complete control.
forgive my short comings, my faults, and my selfishness. help me see You in every situation; allow me to know that worry does nothing to draw me closer to You. i desire You and Your plans for my life that You have given to me. help me honor You through the way i live my life. show me my next steps according to Your Will and help my unbelief.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
tonight, my heart is heavy. there are days where i come home from work exhausted not only from running from appointment to appointment but emotionally exhausted. and usually i can distract myself with homework since i have had so much of it to do lately, but tonight, i could barely concentrate as i studied the muscles of the human body. (seriously, i really do not think i need anatomy and physiology for my MSW, but i only have 3 weeks left; perseverance is key.)
regardless, today was one of those days where i could not get ahead. i had scheduled all four of my appointments back to back. 9:30, 11:00, 12:30, 2:00. Well, i knew it was going to be a hectic day when i left my first appointment at 11:15, arrived at my second appointment at 11:40, made it to my third appointment at 12:35, and made it to my last appointment at 2:15 where i stayed until 4:45. thankfully, the appointments i was drastically late to were gracious to me...
regardless, sometimes as i reflect on my time spent with clients, i have absolutely, positively no idea how the conversations happen as they do. how does one rationalize to a 5 year old that even though for the past 18 months he has seen his parents once a week that he is now going to have to wait 6 months until he seems them again? this is made infinitely harder when a 5 year old really does not have a good concept of time. and how does one even begin to unpack the statement that he said he felt like he didn't belong because he has lived in so many homes? keep in mind, he is 5. i say it again 5, not even started kindergarten yet, and these are the kind of statements he's asking and things he thinking. and how does one emphasize to a teenage girl who has lost her mom and has now been removed from her father's care that people really do care about her? that there is hope for her? that her situation is going to get better?
really? i stop and say, really? these are real people i am dealing with. real, live human beings who are fragile. life has been unfair to them. and even though i have been trained as a social worker, i have not been given a magic wand to wave all of these feelings, emotions, or problems away from the people that i come in contact with each and every day. and these are only two of the four people i met with today...
it doesn't make sense to me, and it breaks my heart. it breaks my heart that as i sit here and type this, i know there are so many more people who are not my clients that are having similar feelings, thoughts, and emotions that those i work with do who are not getting help, who are alone and afraid. even moreso than the ones i walk closely beside are. and i, again, say, really?
today was one of those days i questioned why i am pursuing my masters...why do i do this to myself day in and day out? and i know the answer, but sometimes i say, "why me, Lord? why have you placed me in this field to see the things that i see, to hear the things that i hear, to know the things that i know?" and i think He just has to smile at me, while He gently nudges me along, holding my hand and guiding me in the right direction.
life does not make sense. it is unfair. things are unjust. it is discouraging at times. and yet it makes me realize how much we need His Kingdom to come and His Will to be done. and if this is how He chooses to use me to make that happen, then i say, your servant is willing, Abba. use me, mold me, teach me, shape me, grow me, and allow me to be your hands and feet.
regardless, today was one of those days where i could not get ahead. i had scheduled all four of my appointments back to back. 9:30, 11:00, 12:30, 2:00. Well, i knew it was going to be a hectic day when i left my first appointment at 11:15, arrived at my second appointment at 11:40, made it to my third appointment at 12:35, and made it to my last appointment at 2:15 where i stayed until 4:45. thankfully, the appointments i was drastically late to were gracious to me...
regardless, sometimes as i reflect on my time spent with clients, i have absolutely, positively no idea how the conversations happen as they do. how does one rationalize to a 5 year old that even though for the past 18 months he has seen his parents once a week that he is now going to have to wait 6 months until he seems them again? this is made infinitely harder when a 5 year old really does not have a good concept of time. and how does one even begin to unpack the statement that he said he felt like he didn't belong because he has lived in so many homes? keep in mind, he is 5. i say it again 5, not even started kindergarten yet, and these are the kind of statements he's asking and things he thinking. and how does one emphasize to a teenage girl who has lost her mom and has now been removed from her father's care that people really do care about her? that there is hope for her? that her situation is going to get better?
really? i stop and say, really? these are real people i am dealing with. real, live human beings who are fragile. life has been unfair to them. and even though i have been trained as a social worker, i have not been given a magic wand to wave all of these feelings, emotions, or problems away from the people that i come in contact with each and every day. and these are only two of the four people i met with today...
it doesn't make sense to me, and it breaks my heart. it breaks my heart that as i sit here and type this, i know there are so many more people who are not my clients that are having similar feelings, thoughts, and emotions that those i work with do who are not getting help, who are alone and afraid. even moreso than the ones i walk closely beside are. and i, again, say, really?
today was one of those days i questioned why i am pursuing my masters...why do i do this to myself day in and day out? and i know the answer, but sometimes i say, "why me, Lord? why have you placed me in this field to see the things that i see, to hear the things that i hear, to know the things that i know?" and i think He just has to smile at me, while He gently nudges me along, holding my hand and guiding me in the right direction.
life does not make sense. it is unfair. things are unjust. it is discouraging at times. and yet it makes me realize how much we need His Kingdom to come and His Will to be done. and if this is how He chooses to use me to make that happen, then i say, your servant is willing, Abba. use me, mold me, teach me, shape me, grow me, and allow me to be your hands and feet.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
meet my newest niece: Kaelyn Leanne Christian. Born June 15, 2011 at 3:44 a.m. weighing 7 pounds, 11 ounces and measuring 20 inches long. can we say hello, adorable?! i am completely and totally IN. LOVE.
my sister was such a trooper through labor; i told her she set a wonderful example for me. and i am so thankful that little Kaelyn was healthy; truly a miracle and an answer to prayer after the scare we had during Rachel's pregnancy. needless to say, mom, dad, and baby are doing wonderful. what a precious addition to the family. i can't wait until the next time i can snuggle her.
in other news...well, there isn't much other news. my life consists of work and homework. i told my husband that i have never been one to wish summer away, but i absolutely cannot wait until i am done with anatomy and physiology. i haven't quite figured out why i need a&p to get my MSW, but, i do, so i am persevering and moving forward. 2 weeks down, 6 to go. the other good news is that i only have 1 week to go until i am done with my first official MSW class.
work has been going ok in the most recent past; i finally realized that working so much overtime was becoming detrimental to my well-being. so i've rearranged my schedule, ended with some clients, and feel so much more at ease. once i get caught up on everything i need to do in the office, i am sure i will be bored and the mass chaos will begin again.
i am getting ready to end halfway with a family that i have been working with for a year and a half; unfortunately, it is not the "happiest" ending as the parents have signed their rights over on their children, but the future is promising for the three kiddos whom i have come to adore. the case should have never come to this, but it did. and i know that i did all that i could. the stories that i have from this case are some that i will probably never forget; some make me laugh, some make me cringe, and some make me mad but it is all a part of the job. the most important thing, though, that has come from this case is my friendship with the dcs caseworker. we have spent countless hours together working together on this case, but those countless hours have given us time to get to know one another. i vividly remember talking to her two days before i got married about the marriage advice she had to give me, talking to her about adjusting to life after marriage, laughing with her, and discussing with her my desire to have children. i do not know where i would be without her friendship, and i am beyond blessed to have her a part of my life. i will be quite sad when we finish supervising visits for this case together, but i know without a shadow of a doubt that our friendship will continue. i guess God had a blessing in disguise for me through this case.
anyway, i think that is all for now. as stressed out as i have been with school, God has still be faithful, and He has reminded me countless times of the small blessings her has given me as well as the large blessings he has given to me. i am abundantly blessed...and beyond thankful
Sunday, June 5, 2011
God sure does have a sense of humor and perfect timing. this morning our pastor talked about impacting our community, and it truly was just what i needed to hear.
in the line of work i do, i know i have probably alluded to the fact that it is draining, tiring, and frustrating. what i haven't talked as much about, though, is the loneliness that comes along with it. unfortunately, it's the truth. as i work with people in their homes and in the community, i get to know them on a deep level. a deeper level than some of them have every been known in their life because i take the time to care. however, because of confidentiality in my line of work, i cannot share much about the people with any of my friends or family. my husband tells me that often my clients are not "real" to him because he doesn't know their names or what they look like. and i can't blame him for saying that. it has to be hard for him to follow more stories when i say, "hey do you remember the one client i have that has 4 kids by 3 different guys?" well, a lot of my clients have 4 kids by 3 different guys...so of course he does not know who i am talking about. so the people i am investing in are a HUGE part of my life, but they are not as big of a part of anyone else's life.
secondly, another reality is that as i am working with my clients i am dealing with a great deal of trauma. i am working with kids who have been abused, parents who have abused their children, kids who often go hungry, parents who have a difficult time showing or receiving love, and families who are under a great deal of stress. it's heavy stuff...and heavy stuff that very few people can even comprehend. this also causes loneliness because once again, their trauma is very real to me but not real to those i have in my life outside of work.
but anyway, back to the sermon, what our pastor talked about today was what roles we can play in people's lives, not just who are living in darkness, but those who are serving those living in the darkness. and what he challenged people to do is to encourage. encourage those who are already serving in the community. wow. i'm not sure i have ever thought of that...
but i can tell you right now that the level of loneliness i feel would be greatly decreased if people in the church would encourage me in what i was doing. now, i am not saying this to get all kinds of encouragement or feedback from people because they feel bad they haven't done it in the past or they feel like this is a desperate cry for encouragement, because it is not. but what i do want you to think about it who else in your life is serving in the community that could use a little encouragement? and what kind of difference do you think could be made if you would take the time to encourage them on a consistent basis?
the sermon challenged me to think about how i can handle myself in my work place because i know many of my coworkers struggle with the same feelings of loneliness that i do, but i cannot touch the client's lives that they are touching. but i can encourage them to not give up, and that could have more of an impact than i may ever realize. so perhaps this will encourage someone to step out of their comfort zone and encourage someone else.
but anyway, i will get off of my soapbox about that.
what i do want to talk about is another opportunity that God has given me. i made mention of something along those lines about a month ago, but it had not become official. let's back track a bit.
since i graduated college i had been praying for an opportunity to lead a small group of girls. now, this prayer had come and gone in spurts as i had plugged myself in various avenues to invest in young girls' lives, but it had always been something i desired to do. so let's fast forward to this past volleyball season; i've talked some about a volleyball girl that i got to know fairly well, bayli, who reminds me quite a bit of myself at that age. (sometimes so much so i feel bad for her...) but anyway, after volleyball season our relationship continued and i've been blessed to get to know her on a deeper level.
throughout several of our conversations, bay has talked about her small group of girls from church. to make a long story short, bay and her fellow group members' leader is moving. it has been heart wrenching for the girls, but through a series of events, i ended up talking with their leader and have decided that i will continue leading the group as she and her family transition to their new job out of state. i am not taking over with the intention of replacing their previous leader because that just isn't possible; she has journeyed with these four girls through this last year and has seen them through some pretty difficult times. she has helped mold them and shape them into amazing Christian women after God's heart and set examples for them as she has loved them selflessly. and quite honestly, she is amazing. if i had only met her sooner, i would have loved to gotten to know her heart more so than i have been able to.
but anyway, with this small group comes four amazing young girls; bayli, bekah, claire, and paige. four girls that i am anxious to journey alongside of; four girls that i am so looking forward to getting to know their hearts; four girls that i am more excited than words can express to encourage in their faith; and four girls who i know will forever change my life as well.
my heart breaks for them as they have to go through this transition, but i feel like God has placed them in my life for a specific reason. and i don't know what that reason is quite yet, but i am sure, God will reveal that to me in His perfect timing as well.
in the line of work i do, i know i have probably alluded to the fact that it is draining, tiring, and frustrating. what i haven't talked as much about, though, is the loneliness that comes along with it. unfortunately, it's the truth. as i work with people in their homes and in the community, i get to know them on a deep level. a deeper level than some of them have every been known in their life because i take the time to care. however, because of confidentiality in my line of work, i cannot share much about the people with any of my friends or family. my husband tells me that often my clients are not "real" to him because he doesn't know their names or what they look like. and i can't blame him for saying that. it has to be hard for him to follow more stories when i say, "hey do you remember the one client i have that has 4 kids by 3 different guys?" well, a lot of my clients have 4 kids by 3 different guys...so of course he does not know who i am talking about. so the people i am investing in are a HUGE part of my life, but they are not as big of a part of anyone else's life.
secondly, another reality is that as i am working with my clients i am dealing with a great deal of trauma. i am working with kids who have been abused, parents who have abused their children, kids who often go hungry, parents who have a difficult time showing or receiving love, and families who are under a great deal of stress. it's heavy stuff...and heavy stuff that very few people can even comprehend. this also causes loneliness because once again, their trauma is very real to me but not real to those i have in my life outside of work.
but anyway, back to the sermon, what our pastor talked about today was what roles we can play in people's lives, not just who are living in darkness, but those who are serving those living in the darkness. and what he challenged people to do is to encourage. encourage those who are already serving in the community. wow. i'm not sure i have ever thought of that...
but i can tell you right now that the level of loneliness i feel would be greatly decreased if people in the church would encourage me in what i was doing. now, i am not saying this to get all kinds of encouragement or feedback from people because they feel bad they haven't done it in the past or they feel like this is a desperate cry for encouragement, because it is not. but what i do want you to think about it who else in your life is serving in the community that could use a little encouragement? and what kind of difference do you think could be made if you would take the time to encourage them on a consistent basis?
the sermon challenged me to think about how i can handle myself in my work place because i know many of my coworkers struggle with the same feelings of loneliness that i do, but i cannot touch the client's lives that they are touching. but i can encourage them to not give up, and that could have more of an impact than i may ever realize. so perhaps this will encourage someone to step out of their comfort zone and encourage someone else.
but anyway, i will get off of my soapbox about that.
what i do want to talk about is another opportunity that God has given me. i made mention of something along those lines about a month ago, but it had not become official. let's back track a bit.
since i graduated college i had been praying for an opportunity to lead a small group of girls. now, this prayer had come and gone in spurts as i had plugged myself in various avenues to invest in young girls' lives, but it had always been something i desired to do. so let's fast forward to this past volleyball season; i've talked some about a volleyball girl that i got to know fairly well, bayli, who reminds me quite a bit of myself at that age. (sometimes so much so i feel bad for her...) but anyway, after volleyball season our relationship continued and i've been blessed to get to know her on a deeper level.
throughout several of our conversations, bay has talked about her small group of girls from church. to make a long story short, bay and her fellow group members' leader is moving. it has been heart wrenching for the girls, but through a series of events, i ended up talking with their leader and have decided that i will continue leading the group as she and her family transition to their new job out of state. i am not taking over with the intention of replacing their previous leader because that just isn't possible; she has journeyed with these four girls through this last year and has seen them through some pretty difficult times. she has helped mold them and shape them into amazing Christian women after God's heart and set examples for them as she has loved them selflessly. and quite honestly, she is amazing. if i had only met her sooner, i would have loved to gotten to know her heart more so than i have been able to.
but anyway, with this small group comes four amazing young girls; bayli, bekah, claire, and paige. four girls that i am anxious to journey alongside of; four girls that i am so looking forward to getting to know their hearts; four girls that i am more excited than words can express to encourage in their faith; and four girls who i know will forever change my life as well.
my heart breaks for them as they have to go through this transition, but i feel like God has placed them in my life for a specific reason. and i don't know what that reason is quite yet, but i am sure, God will reveal that to me in His perfect timing as well.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
it's been a crazy ride this last week or so. i feel like between balancing work and school there just hasn't been much time to update. but that is ok.
anyway, this weekend dan and i had the privilege of going down and celebrating our brother-in-law. he just recently graduated from medical school and has landed a job at a pediatric hospital near his home. we are so excited for their family. but going down and celebrating meant niece and nephew time and family time as well, which was fabulous. i am so blessed to have married into a family where i love my in-laws.
during our time down there, though, dan and i talked with his mom for a little bit about grad school for me and about me freaking out because i got a 26/30 on an assignment. (my poor husband has never been with me when i have been in school...) we talked about me wanting to be "perfect" in school and his mom simply said, "to be perfect means you have to give up every other area of your life and that's just not realistic or fun." those were some wise words right there. now, obviously, it's going to take me reminding myself that several times before i actually believe it, but i do not want to become so consumed with grad school that i neglect other important areas of my life. in the long run it is not going to matter if i graduate with a 4.0 or a 3.0; life will go on, and grades are not eternal. but oh what a difficult lesson this is for me to learn...
anyway, i digress.
work. oh work. work has not slowed down even in the least bit. i think i worked nearly six hours of overtime two weeks in a row. now, to some that might not seem like much, but with the work that i do i was completely beat. and, obviously, there are some weeks that are like that, but it was just a lot with work and school and family and friends. but this week, even in the short week at work, has not been the easiest. i'm preparing to end with one of my best clients i have ever had, and i am watching two of the worst clients i have ever had make one of these most difficult decisions of their lives. i am slowly watching yet another spiral quickly downhill as her time is running out to get her child back, and i am witnessing another family fall to pieces. and keep in mind this is less than half of my caseload. how do these things happen? it's so frustrating, so disheartening, so ridiculous, so heartbreaking, so sad...yet i know i must keep on. i cannot give up, i will not give up. i have hope, and because of my relationship with Christ, that can never be taken from me.
the other happenings of this week consist of me being quite sad in knowing that for the past three years this has been the week that i have flown to india to spend either the summer or a couple week with the people i have fallen in love with. i cannot tell any of you how sad i am about the fact that i am not going to india this week. (some of you may understand...) but i long to hold my children in my arms...i long to see the mountains, hear the windmills, bargain at the shops, listen to them chatter in a language unknown to me, be called sister, see the lizards on the wall, and so much more. i worry that nanthini, sathiya, soundaria, vani, rajukamari, abirami, sejola, sheron, vijila, jeyabala, rathika, shalini and so many others are going to feel like their american sister has forgotten about them. now, i know that is not truth, because i know God is holding them closer to him than i ever could to me. but i hate not being able to see them, touch them, and love them well in person. i trust that one day i will go back, but the unknown of that is scary. perhaps it will be sooner than i think...at least that will be my prayer.
but in the midst of the unknown, i know my God is faithful and that He will show up. i wouldn't be who i am today without Him, and i am thankful He has never and will never give up on me. may i bring glory to His name in even the littlest things i do.
anyway, this weekend dan and i had the privilege of going down and celebrating our brother-in-law. he just recently graduated from medical school and has landed a job at a pediatric hospital near his home. we are so excited for their family. but going down and celebrating meant niece and nephew time and family time as well, which was fabulous. i am so blessed to have married into a family where i love my in-laws.
during our time down there, though, dan and i talked with his mom for a little bit about grad school for me and about me freaking out because i got a 26/30 on an assignment. (my poor husband has never been with me when i have been in school...) we talked about me wanting to be "perfect" in school and his mom simply said, "to be perfect means you have to give up every other area of your life and that's just not realistic or fun." those were some wise words right there. now, obviously, it's going to take me reminding myself that several times before i actually believe it, but i do not want to become so consumed with grad school that i neglect other important areas of my life. in the long run it is not going to matter if i graduate with a 4.0 or a 3.0; life will go on, and grades are not eternal. but oh what a difficult lesson this is for me to learn...
anyway, i digress.
work. oh work. work has not slowed down even in the least bit. i think i worked nearly six hours of overtime two weeks in a row. now, to some that might not seem like much, but with the work that i do i was completely beat. and, obviously, there are some weeks that are like that, but it was just a lot with work and school and family and friends. but this week, even in the short week at work, has not been the easiest. i'm preparing to end with one of my best clients i have ever had, and i am watching two of the worst clients i have ever had make one of these most difficult decisions of their lives. i am slowly watching yet another spiral quickly downhill as her time is running out to get her child back, and i am witnessing another family fall to pieces. and keep in mind this is less than half of my caseload. how do these things happen? it's so frustrating, so disheartening, so ridiculous, so heartbreaking, so sad...yet i know i must keep on. i cannot give up, i will not give up. i have hope, and because of my relationship with Christ, that can never be taken from me.
the other happenings of this week consist of me being quite sad in knowing that for the past three years this has been the week that i have flown to india to spend either the summer or a couple week with the people i have fallen in love with. i cannot tell any of you how sad i am about the fact that i am not going to india this week. (some of you may understand...) but i long to hold my children in my arms...i long to see the mountains, hear the windmills, bargain at the shops, listen to them chatter in a language unknown to me, be called sister, see the lizards on the wall, and so much more. i worry that nanthini, sathiya, soundaria, vani, rajukamari, abirami, sejola, sheron, vijila, jeyabala, rathika, shalini and so many others are going to feel like their american sister has forgotten about them. now, i know that is not truth, because i know God is holding them closer to him than i ever could to me. but i hate not being able to see them, touch them, and love them well in person. i trust that one day i will go back, but the unknown of that is scary. perhaps it will be sooner than i think...at least that will be my prayer.
but in the midst of the unknown, i know my God is faithful and that He will show up. i wouldn't be who i am today without Him, and i am thankful He has never and will never give up on me. may i bring glory to His name in even the littlest things i do.
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