as we were pulling out of the orphanage almost three years ago, my eyes were full of tears, and i remember praying for the children at Hope Home in India. and in the middle of my silent prayers, i remember the Lord saying to me, "You will be back here some day."

there was something about that orphanage, something about the country, something about the people, that captured my heart.

of course when i started feeling like the Lord wanted me to spend part of my summer of 2008 serving Him overseas, my initial thought was India. however, after a few disappointments in previous years, i didn't even let my mind wander down that path for long. i wasn't even considering India an option anymore until my dad suggested working in Hope Home. i remember my initial response, "Dad, i am not going anywhere where i am not going to be used."

however, after hearing what the needs were at the orphanage, i wondered if that was where the Lord wanted me. time after time, though, i thought it was too good to be true, and there was no way my dream of returning to india was going to come true.

even after meeting with the american board of directors in september, i remember telling my mom on my way back to school, "i don't know if this is where i'm going to end up, but if it isn't, i have no doubt that the Lord is going to take me elsewhere."

after many months of prayer, and still know answers, i filled out and sent in an application to another mission organization because i was convinced india wasn't going to work out.

however, exactly eight months to the day that i actually started praying about spending part of my summer overseas somewhere, i received the answer i had been waiting on, not just for eight months, but really, for almost three years.

india.

the journey has not been the easiest, and i don't anticipate it getting any easier. however, because of God's perfect timing, my dream is becoming a reality. if it would have happened in the previous years, i wouldn't have been ready, emotionally or spiritually. and not only that, but i also wouldn't be traveling with the girl who is going with me.

she is someone who i know i can live with for six weeks, someone who understands my heart, my stubbornness, and she is someone who i can be completely honest with. she is someone who listens, who is willing to speak truth and be challenged, and someone who i am so thankful for.

i praise Him for the fact that his thoughts and ways are far above mine.

i praise Him for teaching me patient endurance.

i praise Him for his faithfulness.

i praise Him for choosing me.

i praise Him for his timing.

and i praise Him for his love.

He is so faithful.
and, i, i am so thankful.

"Satan plans his attacks around distraction, discouragement, and doubt...The underlying strategy is fairly simple: Get peoeple's eyes off God and on their circumstances. Make them believe that their "happiness" lies in the "happenings" that surround them...When we're distracted, discouragement is just around the corner. Weariness creeps in as life overpowers us. It causes us to say and do things we would never consider saying or doing otherwise. Discouragement breaks down our perspective and our defenses. Though we may have just completed great things for God, weary discouragement tells us we're useless, hopeless, and abandoned...Discouragement can drain us of all hope, of all vision, of all our tomorrows and dreams."

wow. how powerful and how true.

this excerpt came from Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, and i couldn't have read it at a better time. i feel like i have finally realized this week that the distraction, doubt, and especially discouragement are the ways in which satan has been attacking me as of late. it's been so interesting, because, truly, being discouraged was draining me of all my hope, of all my visions, and of all my dreams.

everything is still up in the air in regards to this summer, and i've been reminded this week how much i hate the unknown. and i could give you all the sunday school answers in the world about trusting the Lord and about surrendering to him, and to an extent, i think i probably have done that--but i guess not completely because of how much not knowing frustrates me.

perhaps that is something to work on more this week.
oh what a journey it has been...and continues to be.