Friday, October 8, 2010

well, it just has seemed to be one of those weeks where nothing goes how i want it to or expect it to. how frustrating...but, i am thankful for the ways God has shown up in the midst of disappointment and frustration.

this week at work, i've literally only seen like four clients, which is very abnormal. i'm going to go ahead and blame it on the full moon, though. i've spent ample hours in the office, and while i have been able to get my paperwork done and everything along those lines, it's also provided me with ample time to think and process life. now how well i am going to do with putting that into words, i'm not entirely sure, but i figured i might as well try at this point.

in my last post, i mentioned how much life has changed (and if i didn't, i meant to). and i'm realizing that life is continually changing. i heard this week that one of the only constant things in life is change (besides God of course). and how true that statement is and it resounded with me so much. over the past year and a half my life has been a whirlwind of changes, i won't mention them all, but i have constantly felt like once my feet get planted back on firm ground another change comes around and knocks the firm ground right from under me. and while i have learned and grown and changes in many good ways from all of them, that doesn't mean it's been easy. and i am so much grieving the past and the way things used to be even though i'm happy with the majority of things in my life right now. confusing? tell me about it...

but, as i've been realizing all of this, God has still been teaching me great things. but i have also been humbled at my foolishness of not trusting Him like i should. i have been humbled by my foolishness of trying to handle everything on my own, and i have been humbled at how i think i know so much but really know so little. and it has been in my humbled state that God has been able to comfort me, bring me peace, speak truth into my life, and remind me that even if i feel lonely, i'm never alone. and it has also been in this humbled state that God has broken me of my pride of playing "god" in the lives of others, and forcing me to recognize that i can minister to others, but i can't rescue them and that i have to let go of the "savior mentality". talk about being broken...

but beauty comes from brokenness, right?

and the beauty is starting to surface in my life. at least that's what it feels like to see, for the past two weeks in Bible study we've been studying Ephesians 3:20-21 (it's a part of the Faithful, Abundant and True Bible Study...) and it says "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever, Amen." and it has been through these verses that i have come to some profound (or at least i think they are profound) conclusions.

you see, as i've been trying to control pretty much every aspect of my life i have forgotten that God can do immeasurably more than i could ask or imagine. how selfish of me. but here's what's stuck with me besides that...immeasurably more, what does that mean? immeasurably more means that God goes way beyond my way beyond. so whatever i ask for, God has the power to go way beyone anything i could expect or imagine. and it's my job to trust that He has the power to do that, but it's His job to decide whether or not He's going to do that. and just because i don't understand what that means right now, doesn't mean i'm never going to, but even if i don't ever find out what it means, it doesn't mean that He's not using it for Kingdom purposes. and it is that simple fact that i have to be ok with...and i'm learning to be ok with it, i'm not going to be perfect at it all the time, but i am learning, and i trust that God will continue moving in my life.

but anyway, i have also been recognizing that God uses unexpected people to bring joy to my life. maybe not unexpected, but people who don't realize they are doing what they are doing. take for instance last night, i was talking with one of the volleyball girls who has been a delight for me to get to know, and i mentioned India to her and she told me she had always wanted to do something like that. so of course, i told her she could come with me sometime, and we talked a little longer about it, and a little bit more in detail as the night went on, but what an encouragement she was to me at the age of 15 telling me that she wants to go help people in need and that she loves being involved in church. it excites me to think about how God is going to use her, and how thankful i am that God has brought her into my life.

anyway, enough of my ramblings.

Bless God today, my friends, Bless God.