Thursday, July 30, 2009

you know, it's interesting. this whole transition back to the states this year has been much different than last. last year, i flew straight to california for my cousin's wedding, and this year, i've been home. slightly under the weather and overly tired. and last year, once i got home from my cousin's wedding, i had about three weeks and then i headed back to iwu. and this year...well, there will be no returning to iwu.

i talked to my roommate last night on the phone (and although we don't live together anymore, i think i will probably always consider her my roommate), and we shared with each other how difficult it is not going back to school this fall. for her, she's not going back to the comforts of preseason and then the next three or so months of soccer season. and for me, i'm not going back to RA training and a year full of coffee dates and dinner dates with friends who are within walking distance.

i'm not quite sure how to describe how i feel about not going back to school except...overwhelmed. the reality of getting a big kid job can be avoided no longer, and i know soon i'm going to be working full time unable to sleep in as long as i want and unable to up and go to india for 7 weeks whenever i want as well. there's so much change happening, and once again, i've realized that no matter what you do in your life, nothing can really prepare you for this stage. at least, i haven't figured out what i could have done to prepare myself better.

but in thinking about all of this, i've realized that i am blessed. blessed beyond all measure. and actually, it brings tears to my eyes thinking about. you see, my prayer for when i went to college was that it would be all that i had hoped for it to be and more. and that prayer was answered in ways i can't even explain...those four years were the best four years of my life thus far. and as difficult it is for me to not go back, i wouldn't want it any other way...because i think that is just a beginning description of how amazing my time at iwu was.

and another one of my prayers was that the Lord would provide me with friends who would be friends for life. and i think that prayer has been answered beyond what i it difficult to think that my friends are not going to be at iwu this year? absolutely. and is it difficult knowing that i won't be at iwu with the ones who still have a year or so to finish up? yep...but do i know and trust that because our friendships are rooted and established in Christ that we will still stay in touch. absolutely.

there's so much change that is to come in the next few weeks and months, and i will be the first to tell you that i'm apprehensive. i mean really, who likes the unknown? but will i make it through? absolutely...and i say absolutely with confidence. because i know that i serve a God who has perfectly ordained my steps and who cares even about the smallest details in my life.

so as this transition back from the place where i left so much of my heart continues, it doesn't continue without tears...but in the midst of the tears, i am thankful. i am thankful i am a girl on a journey to draw closer to my Abba and that i don't have to go through any of this alone.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

well. i've been back from India for a week now...and it doesn't seem possible. not a day goes by that i don't wish i was back at the orphanage holding the little girls in my arms, laughing with them, and even being tickled by them. i miss watching them slide down the slide and swing on the two swings that they have, and i miss them even crawling up my arm to get their treasured fruit off the trees.

i'm not sure i have words to adequately describe all that happened while i was in india this year. i learned so much on so many different levels, and it was just as difficult for me to leave this year as it was last. eventually, and hopefully soon, i'll be able to put words to some of the many stories, but for now, we'll just leave it at the fact that i wish i had enough money to buy a plane ticket to go back...