"Therefore, change your hearts and stop being stubborn. For the Lord your God is the God of gods and the Lord of lords. He is the great God, the mighty and awesome God, who shows no partiality and cannot be bribed. He ensures that orphans and widows receive justice. He shows love to the foreigners living among you and gives them food and clothing. So you, too, must show love to foreigners, for you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt. You must fear the Lord your God and worship him and cling to him. Your oaths must be in his name alone. He alone is your God, the only one who is worthy of your praise, the one who has done these mighty miracles that you have seen with your own eyes."
Deuteronomy 10:16-21

i was awed by these verses tonight. simply awed. i read them. i stopped. i reread them. i stopped. i kept reading. and then i went back and read them again. then i shared them with my roommate, and i shared them with another dear friend of mine.

it's on nights like tonight that i am reminded the Lord does indeed answer my prayer of giving me a sense of wonder...

how thankful i am that my God is not a god of confusion but a god of order and a god of peace. One who is never late, but always perfect in his timing.

it's been a month since thatta has passed away, but yet i'm still not sure it has completely hit me that he's gone. the pictures of his tombstone have come, the updates about the funeral have been read, and tears continue to be shed over the loss. i miss him, but i've never stopped missing him since i walked into the airport all those months ago after the six most amazing weeks of my life. so i guess i'm not entirely sure i realize now what is so different. i know in my head that he is gone, but i don't think it's reached my heart yet. and i'm not entirely sure that will happen until i arrive at the orphanage again.

plans have continued to fall into place for this summer, and as excited as i am for it, i think i'm realizing how different it is going to be. not only is thatta gone, but i received another email this week that one of the girls i connected with the most ended up taking a government job due to the loss of her father and the extreme financial need her mother was in. this is quite unheard of at the orphanage especially since this young girl was in college to become a nurse. she was one of the most respected girls in the orphanage and had such a sweet spirit. i just hope that i will be able to connect with her while i am there...

and as the days continue whizzing by, i continue to be amazed at what the Lord is teaching me and how he is moving in my life. i'm not sure i'll ever get used to the fact that the journey he has me on takes unexpected twists and turns, but in the end, i'm always grateful for them. i've realized more this week than normal that i must continue to trust, speak truth, love, be patient and surrender. and as difficult as those things may be at different times, i'm excited to see where they may lead me next.

"Is this not the kind of fasting I want: Free those who are wrongly imprisoned, lighten the burden of those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free and remove the chains that bind people. Share your food with the hungry and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from your relatives who need help...Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon. The Lord will guide you continually giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring."
Isaiah 58:6-7, 10-11

i was able to go to chapel this wednesday for only like the third time this whole semester, and the verses written above were the basis of the service along with 1 John 3 about not merely saying we love each other but showing the truth by our actions.

i was moved to tears. the hard truth of the service pointed out the fact that knowing God intimately affects how we care for the poor. as i sat and reflected about that more and more, i craved to know the Lord at a deeper level in order to love others more. it reminded me of my children halfway around the world, and it reminded me of the clients i see on a daily basis.

i have thought about the fact that although i have continued praying for the Lord to break my heart for what breaks his and he has continued to answer that in different ways, i am still only getting small glimpses of what that truly looks like. and as much as it may hurt on certain days, i wouldn't change it for anything.

as i flip through the pages of my journal, i notice that my entries may be few and far between, but yet i am so thankful for the journey that fills the pages. i am continually reminded that the Lord is directing my steps, that in the midst of confusion he is always present, that his ways are so much higher than mine, and that as many times as i fail and stumble he remains faithful.

i will never understand, but i will continue to be thankful.
and i will continue to be thankful for all of always.

may he continue using, shaping, molding, and changing me in whatever way he has ordained. may my life bring glory, honor, and praise to his name, and may he continue to give me the great privilege of being his hands and feet.

spring break marks the halfway point of second semester. the halfway point of second semester this year means graduation is almost here. graduation means real life is just around the corner. and i haven't entirely figured out what real life means yet.

sitting in my living room this morning, i carelessly flipped through the channels trying to find something decent to watch. after jon & kate plus 8, i settled on gilmore girls. interestingly enough, it was all about rory moving into college. i remember watching that episode the summer before i moved into school. at one point in time rory says, "i just hope it will be everything i have been imagining it to be."

when i watched that episode before i moved into school, i remember thinking the exact same thing. and here i am almost four years later, and now i am able to say that college has been everything i imagined it to be and more. each year has brought its own trials and challenges, but each year has provided me with more memories and laughs than ever before.

it's so weird to think that the place i was so apprehensive about going to, i'm even more apprehensive about leaving. it truly has become a second home to me, and that i think that is only because of the people i have become friends with. not only did i find a second home, i found a second family.

what a blessing it has been to walk through life with the people i have met, and the Lord has been so faithful year after year providing me with people the exact people i needed to encourage me and love me well.

as the next seven weeks of my life fly by before graduation, i guarantee there will be tears shed, laughter that abounds, memories made that are irreplaceable, lessons learned, meaningful conversations had, and challenges faced and hopefully conquered.

as scary as the unknown is, i'm excited to see where the Lord will lead. and just as i had to trust blindly last year as everything with India unfolded, i am going to have to trust blindly again that the Lord will provide and direct my steps as i make may way through life trying to live a life that brings glory and honor to his name.