today, i miss india and my children so much more than i ever thought possible. and i have a feeling it may continue to intensify over the next few months.

everyone from the orphanage has been on my heart and mind so much this week, and i long to hold the children in my arms and to have coffee with johnson so much more than ever. i've fought back tears like never before, and if someone would pay for me to fly there tomorrow, i would jump at the chance.

although i have loved being at school, it has not come without challenges. those challenges range from being overwhelmed with the abundance of food in baldwin to the discovery of US gold medalists in the states receiving $25,000 per medal, from seeing how full my closet is of clothes to walking around on a campus where a building is being constructed that i'm not even sure i want to know how much it costs, and from being able to engage in one on one conversations where i speak the same language as those all around me to driving down the road to the new sonic for dessert one night.

now, of course, none of those are bad things, culturally speaking, but it is through such instances that i have been able to better recognize that my worldview has truly, truly been altered. i'm not sure if it is going to last for the rest of my life, but i continue to pray that the Lord would etch the lessons from india deep in my heart. and i have to continually remind myself that my convictions are mine and not anyone else's.

i long to be back in a culture where the time spent in worship is irrelevant, and it is simply Spirit lead. i long to be back in a culture where it doesn't matter how good of a singer you are, but yet, everyone knows that it is a sweet song in the Father's ear. i long to be back in a culture where one egg can show how deep someone's faith is. i long to be back in a culture where people aren't simply living, but where people are living simply. i long to be back in a culture where the people take the time to stop every day for tea and coffee, where children call me sister, and where i can sing down the path to the home with my thatta.

i long to be back in india.

i am continually hoping, continually praying, and continually trusting that if it is the Lord's will for me to return; it will happen.

i received an email today from one of the men we worked with while we were in india. he said to me, "I would like to see you back in india in order to do the Lord's ministry." my heart leaped at his statement, and then my eyes filled with tears. and then my next hour proceeded to be filled with looking at pictures and sharing stories with a friend about my time there.

now i don't want you to think that i'm not finding joy in each day, because i am, and i am so thankful for the ways that the Lord has continued to show up since being home and the ways He has continually answered my prayers. i think, now, i am just learning what it means to truly be burdened for his people and to have a heart that breaks for what breaks his. i am so thankful he is willing to entrust me with a small part of that. and again, i am reminded of how great of a God we serve...what a blessing.