it's so interesting relearning the same lessons over and over again. sometimes it's annoying and frustrating, but i think i have realized that each and every time although the lessons may seem the same in the beginning there is always something different that goes into them. and when i walk away from the lessons i always seem to come away with something different.

as i flipped back through my journal from last week i found these two quotes that i had written during the last summit service:

"Take the fig leaf facade off and allow the Lord to use you--allow your fears and failures to be seen by the body of Christ in order to encourage others and spur them on their relationship with Christ. Stop being selfish and prideful, admit your weaknesses to yourself, the Lord and to those who can hold you accountable. Let the Lord teach you what it means to surrender, to do the things you are afraid of, and to be everything you are afraid of being. Draw near to Abba and He will draw near to you because the One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it."

"He's going to hold you when you come to him, but He wants ALL of you; not just what you're comfortable giving Him, but ALL that you are. Take his hand that He is offering to you and TRUST that a life surrendered to him will be far more glorious than anything we could possibly imagine doing on our own."

as i reread those quotes, i see so much truth in them; however, sometimes i think the truth is scarier than what any of us are willing to admit.

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the three of us girls met with the american board of directors for the orphanage this sunday. when two of the board members talked about leaving for india in two and a half weeks, i didn't think i was going to be able to hold it together. my heart aches so much to be back there; so much that i can't even put words to it. i miss so much about the country and so much about the people and so much about their culture. but not just that, i miss the fact that the distractions there seem like nothing compared to the distractions here in the states.

Jesus is so real to them. not that He isn't to us, but it is in such a different way. it's in a way where regardless of what you are doing you feel His presence right beside you, where there is no hesitation to praise Him one minute and bring petitions to Him the next, where you see His image truly reflected in the children's eyes. Jesus became so real to me this summer, and I think part of me is afraid I am going to forget that.

it's hard to believe that i've been home longer than i was in India now, and it's even more difficult to realize that i'm no where near being done processing through everything i experienced or felt. i suppose, though, i need to continue reminding myself that not only do i need to continue entrusting people into his care, but i also need to be willing to entrust myself to him...