"Thatta"

May 7, 1940-February 21, 2009

my thatta is gone. i received an email last friday informing me that he had passed...it's taken me quite some time to be able to put words to any of my thoughts and feelings, and i know that it's going to continue to take time to process through everything.

i've hated the distance that has been separating me from india and the orphanage more than normal this week. more than anything i've wanted to be with my family there who understand my thoughts, my feelings, and my pain. i've longed to sit on the steps in front of the girls' hostile holding the little ones in my arms and comforting the older ones. and i have wished so much that i could adequately convey to johnson's family how much of an impact he had on my life.

thinking about this summer and potentially going back to the orphanage is such a bittersweet thought. yes, i have confidence that johnson will be one of the first people that i see when i get to heaven, but it kills me to know that johnson won't be the first person i see when i open up the door to my apartment. it kills me to know that i will never have tea and biscuits with him again here on the earth, and it breaks my heart to know that i will not be able to laugh at his jokes.

i'm finally reaching the place where i am thankful for the vivid memories i do have with him, and i'm beyond thankful for the six life changing weeks i spent with him. i hate that i wasn't able to say good-bye, but i rejoice in the fact that he is walking on the streets of gold, singing continual songs of praise, and basking in the presence of our Lord who allowed our paths to cross. and i'd be willing to put money on it that he's having coffee and cashews and cracking jokes with moses, elijah, king david, john the baptist, job, and everyone else.

i'm sure there will be more thoughts to come, but i know until i get to heaven, the memories will continue to live on, and i will continue thanking the Lord for the beauty that comes along with the Body of Christ.