sometimes, i am amazed at how much control i try to hold over my life. but maybe what amazes me isn't that i try to hold control, but maybe it's that i continue trying to hold control time after time after time when i know Who is in control of my life. and what really gets me is that i don't often recognize what i am doing until i have to be broken from it yet again.

i think that i have always been a planner. i love being able to fit seeing everyone i want into a weeks time span, i love my actual planner where my hours are planned out in front of me, and i love having a schedule for my own life as to where things need to occur. and planning in itself isn't a bad thing, but when i forget to incorporate the One who actually holds me in His hands, it becomes a battle for me to relinquish control to Him. just this morning, before i got out of bed, i was laying there trying to plan how i could work out the next, oh say, 2 years of my life so that i could do everything i wanted to do in that amount of time. and now, about 45 minutes later, i am trying not to laugh at my foolishness.

and i don't say that because i have figured out how to completely hand control over to Him, because i haven't, but i have once again recognized that i am being foolish. and i have once again recognized that i am not fully living for today but the days to come, and that is not something i want.

so, as i go about my day today, i am going to try my hardest to live for today, and to not be so concerned about 2 years from now. i am going to try my hardest to be obedient to what the Lord has called me to even if i can't see the end result and trust that He truly is in full control over even the tiniest details of my life.