Friday, July 13, 2012

I love being this little girl's mom.

She's 12 weeks old now, and I cannot believe how fast the time has gone nor how much she has grown and changed.  However, I would be lying if I said that these past 12 weeks have been a walk in the park, because they haven't.  I wouldn't trade any part of our journey thus far for anything, so don't mistake any of the following information for complaining it's just the way things have been.

I think every new mom has expectations of what their little bundle of joy will bring and add to their lives; I know I did.  I'm realistic enough to know that sleeping through the night would be a thing of the past, and because I've never been a good sleeper anyway this didn't seem to bother me.  I was also realistic enough to know that there would be periods of crying and days where I would be unable to take a shower and I was ok with those things too.

However, I was not prepared for the acid reflux, colic, or the desperate need to be held all day every day that Eliana demands.  I was not prepared to not be able to take her places because she screams and screams and screams, and I was not prepared to not be able to do homework without having someone else holding her.  But I was also not prepared for how much love I would feel for her, how much joy it would bring me to see her smile, hear her coo, and to see her respond to me singing to her, reading books to her, and playing with her on her playmat.  She is a gem, and I truly do love being her mom.  But she does hear multiple times a day that she is special because of how demanding she is.

I would be lying if I didn't say I'm looking forward to the day where she will nap on her own for me to get the house picked up, laundry folded or dinner made.  But, for now, it all can wait.  And I will do my best to cherish this time I have with her.  It's hard to not want your baby to do exactly what all the books says they are suppose to do right when they say they are suppose to do it, but what I do know is that this time goes by much too fast to wish it all away.

She is actually sleeping on me right now, but she is sleeping well enough for me to be typing and that is a huge success in itself.  (Of course right as I type that she is stirring, but we'll just go with it.) 

Because of Eliana's demands, I made a decision to not go back to work even part time.  I couldn't stand leaving her knowing that someone else might have to listen to her scream all day, and there was no way I could balance work, school, and her.  So, as hard as it will be not having client interaction, I must remind myself that this too is only for a season and that I did all that I could while I was there to make a difference in the lives of those I came in contact with. 

But for now I must go as the little one is awake and crying and ready to be fed...and let me just tell you, when she wants something she wants it NOW :)

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