it's hard to believe that i left India a month ago. i still hate the reality that i'm in the states and unable to hold my children whenever i want, but i know and am continually reminded that it's not my time to be there long term.

regardless, i met with the board of directors for the orphanage on sunday night. it was wonderful to be able to reconnect with them and share what Rebecca and i did while we were in India. but at the same time it was difficult being with people who understand how special of a place that is because it just made it all the harder for me. i was able to tell the board stories of our time with the staff, the children, with helen, with terry and jeeva, and the new baby, and so many other things. and right as i was finishing up sharing, i said to them, "on one of our last nights at the orphanage we met with the indian board, and they just kept thanking us over and over for what he had been doing and for giving our time to come. and then one of the men said to me, 'you come here and you give our children heaven for the time that you are here.'" i went on to say to the board, "and you know, that's exactly what the children, the staff, and everyone at the orphanage gave to us while we were there. heaven."

as painful as it is to not be able to be with them, i wouldn't trade my time there for anything. it's hard to explain to people that i have a family halfway around the world that doesn't speak the same language as me or look the same as me, but the reality of it is, they are my family. and they always will be my family. and for that i am forever grateful.

in other news, my sister got married on friday and i am just beginning my eighth grade volleyball season as a coach. i'm not going to lie, this is not at all where i pictured myself being. i always told myself no one could make me go back to my high school and there wasn't enough money in the world that could bribe me to go back, and here i am, willingly going in every day to coach. i guess when i said that no one could make me go back, i forgot that God's plans are always bigger. and in the mean time, i'm still waiting to find out what i'm going to be doing full time. God sure has been teaching me a lot about patience and trust, and those are two lessons that are never easy to have to learn and relearn over and over again. but as i have been trying to understand what He is trying to teach me with those two things, i am learning i often don't figure out the lessons fully until i'm on the other side of them.

it's kind of like Proverbs 20:24 says, "The Lord directs our steps so why try to understand everything along the way?" i think it's safe to say that that verse has been the theme verse for my life over the past few weeks. i don't understand a lot of what is going on, and i wish a lot of things were different...but i have also come to realize that it's a waste of my time and energy to try to understand EVERYTHING that is going on.

one day i'll understand things, it may not be until i get to heaven, but one day, i will understand. and in the mean time, i will continue trusting and being thankful that when i get too weary to walk along the path the Lord has laid out for me that He will be there to carry me.