this morning started out like any other typical morning for me as of lately. i got up, read the news, checked my email, and checked facebook. eventually, i turned the tv on and flipped through the channels. i noticed that "adoption stories" was going to come on in about 15 minutes and read the information to decide whether or not i wanted to watch it. as my eyes read over the words, i saw that the couple was going to be adopting a child from guatemala and decided that i love hearing people's stories about international adoptions.


so the show started, and i was multitasking planning volleyball practice for today. but it wasn't long before i heard someone on the show say the boy this couple was preparing to adopt was from india. immediately, i was complete engrossed in the tv. as i watched this family's story unfold, i couldn't help but think back to my summer with my children at the orphanage. and then, this family's little boy in india got very sick; they dropped everything and went to india immediately.


that is about the time that i began to cry. because at this point, i was already comparing the orphanage they were adopting this little boy from to the orphanage i have been at for the past two summers, and then i began to think about when my kids at the orphanage get sick. when my kids at the orphanage get sick, there really is no way for me to know how they are doing. and as much as i hate to say it, i'm not at a place where i can drop everything and fly there to be with them. would i? absolutely, in a heartbeat. but i can't, and i hate it.


as the show ended, my tears dried up, and i wished in the worst way that i knew the couple who had been on the show so that i could rejoice with them for their new addition to their family. and i wished that i knew them so i could share with them my love for india and the children living there.


regardless, all that to say, i was reminded unexpectedly today of my love for india. and although my ankle bracelets from there haven't come off my ankles and still jingle every time i walk, it's not the same as being there. but i must continue on my journey through life.


speaking of journey through life...that's a whole other subject. i was having a conversation with a friend the other day, and i might have had this conversation with multiple friends by this point, but i kind of described to her how i was feeling with this book analogy: i feel like college was a huge section of my life, each year being a different chapter. and each chapter in itself filled with a huge number of memories and wonderful things. while there were different hard things about every year, those chapters of my life are by far my favorite of the story of my life thus far. i walked away from my college career as a completely different person. as someone who has learned to balance people's needs and her needs, someone who has chosen to find joy in the smallest of things, someone who appreciates heart to heart conversations moreso than most, someone who doesn't hesitate to speak up in regards to her opinion, and someone who has the best friends ever. there are so many other things that changed over those four years, but one of the most important things that happened was that i learned what an intimate relationship with Christ can be like.

and now that i'm not going back, i'm starting another section of my life. however, i don't have the chapter titles for this section of life yet. and quite honestly, i feel like my pages are not even being filled with anything. there are so many unknowns, and i hate the unknown. i'm trying to learn to appreciate it and to enjoy the journey that the Lord is taking me on, but remembering that day by day is difficult.

all of that said...i'm looking forward to the day when i feel like the chapters of this section of my life are being filled like the chapters of my college life were filled.

but for now, i suppose this "unknown" chapter of my life is being filled with stories that i will look back on in a few weeks, months, or even years and appreciate. and that's when i'll say, "oh yeah, that's what God was doing."

oh what a journey!