wow, where did march go? i cannot believe that it is already april; however, i welcome april with open arms longing for warmer days and anxiously anticipating summer so that i can spend my weekends soaking up the sun in my parent's pool. but until then, i will enjoy each day i am given.

i mentioned in my last post that a new book had come in the mail for me; even though i am only two chapters into it, it definitely has forced me to start thinking even more about the way i am living my life. the book is called Having a Mary Spirit; Allowing God to Change Us from the Inside Out. it just so happens that it is the sequel to the book i read with my accountability partner in college Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. and i love it.

in a lot of ways i feel like i can relate to the author, Joann Weaver, on quite a few levels. desiring to be perfect, being goal driven, longing to serve others, forgetting about taking care of oneself, and wanting an intimate relationship with Christ are just some of the ways that i feel like i can relate to her in just the first few chapters. i found a couple sentences towards the end of the first chapter that explain what the entire book is about, "Having a Mary spirit is about our attitude toward what God wants to do in our lives. The spirit behind the response makes all the difference."

now, i don't know about you, but i'm pretty good at being ok with the reality that God has a plan for my life and that sometimes my plans don't line up with His. but, when those times happen, i must admit, my resposes and my attitude aren't always the best. but i long for a Mary spirit, and i long to be like Mary who was willing to sit at Jesus' feet as her sister Martha busily rushed around trying to accommodate Him. but both of those things require an often thought of ugly six letter word; C H A N G E. Joann sums it up well why it's worth changing, though, "I can't imagine anything more terrible than getting to the end of my life only to discover that God had so much more in mind for me--more freedom, more joy, more peace, more true effectiveness. And I had missed it all, simply because i refused to change."

so, while sometimes asking the Lord to change us can be scary, i will be completely vulnerable and say i am doing just that. i'm not going to miraculously have a Mary spirit or miraculously be more like Mary than Martha, so i know i have to change. is there potential for it to be painful? absolutely, but i know with all of my heart, changing will be help me in all areas of my life and most importantly it will allow me to have more intimacy with my Heavenly Father.