"I [have come] to see that it [is] in my brokenness, in my powerlessness, in my weakness that Jesus [is] made strong. It [is] in the acceptance of my lack of faith that God [can] give me faith. It [is] in the embracing of my brokenness that I could identify with others' brokenness. It [is] my role to identify with others' pain, not relieve it." -Henri Nouwen

i think this quote is a quite fitting summary of the week.

it's so interesting to me how the Lord continues to be faithful all the time despite my unfaithfulness. i know that i have by no means been making the Lord the first priority in my life, and as much as i hate it, i cannot change it. however, i'm thankful i finally woke up to that this week. i have been blessed beyond what words can describe this week through unexpected conversations with people, through laughter, through being spontaneous, through chicken curry in baldwin, and through simply being reminded of the fact that i am His beloved.

isn't that just like him to show up in the most unexpected ways?? sort of life in practicum this week...

as i rode in the car with my case manager and client, i couldn't help but laugh when the client called his neighbor an "ass hole" for not sharing his tomatoes with him even though he stole them in the middle of the night. but when i looked deeper at the client, my heart broke into thousands of pieces. i saw a man who was so paranoid he could barely function, i saw a man who wanted to support and love his family so well, but his illness often prevented him from doing so. what would it be like to live a life like his, in constant fear, constant confusion?

her hair was dyed and frizzy. she sat next to my case managers desk with her wrinkled hands folded nicely on her lap, and with her deep and raspy voice she began to explain her story. as i listened to her worries and her struggles, i began to question; why her? why not me? she doesn't deserve this, and how in the world am i going ever going to make a difference in her life; let alone in anyone else's life that i come in contact with in the field of social work?

and then it hit me.

it isn't my responsibility to relieve other people's pain nor could i if i even tried, but i love what i'm doing so much there is no reason i should even question whether or not i am making a difference, because the Lord's plans are far better than mine.

i love where i am at. i love what i am learning. i love being a girl on a journey to draw closer to the Lord each and every day. what a blessing, honor, and privilege it is to know i am His and His alone. who knows where he is going to lead me next...

(i secretly, or not so secretly, hope

and pray that is it back to india...)