on most sunday night's my husband will hear the phrase, "i don't want to go to work tomorrow..." typically it's said with some bit of sarcasm because my weekend has flown by and that makes me sad. but also because i know that when my alarm goes off on monday morning there will be no looking back until i am home on friday evening. on this particular sunday night, i didn't have a chance to tell him that i don't want to go to work tomorrow because he had to go to bed insanely early due to his schedule. he always says he doesn't like to start the week off tired. smart man i married, i should follow suit, but alas i am here, blogging, of all things.

so why am i blogging? well because, i REALLY don't want to go to work tomorrow. like, sick feeling in my stomach don't want to go to work tomorrow. maybe it's because i didn't work on friday and i know that means i will have several emails awaiting my reply, or maybe it's because i know my voicemail light on my phone will be blinking and there will have been some crisis that i wasn't able to respond to because i, for once, didn't check my voicemail when taking a day off work. (don't be too proud, though, i still made a work phone call.)

so as i've wrestled with this thought of not wanting to go to work and feeling of dread in knowing my alarm is going to go off and that i am going wait until the absolute last minute to get out of bed which will force me to eat my breakfast and to drink my cup of coffee on the way to work, i took a minute and asked myself a simple question; why?

now i don't really have much of an answer, but i have a couple hunches both of which i think have some validity. the first being that i have been incredibly stressed out with work (hence my two most recent posts) and with how busy my husband and i have been i just want to BE STILL. the second being the sermon at church today was about being the salt and light of the world.

now some may ask why that would have .a n y t h i n g. to do with not wanting to go to work tomorrow, but i believe that even before my week starts Satan is already trying to discourage me from being the salt and light my clients deserve to see and need to see. so this is my feeble attempt to list some reasons why i am thankful for the life i am living, even though it may be busy, to help give myself an attitude adjustment.

1. i love people and i love people's stories. being with my clients, my friends, my family, my volleyball girls truly does bring me joy. sure, it's draining at times, but i think everything has its time and place to be draining. i have been given the opportunity to love others well and beyond that, doors are opened for me DAILY to be the salt and light that Jesus has called us as Christians to be.
2. for everything there is a season. what better time is there in life than now to be this busy? two years from now if my husband and i have kids there is no way i can be involved in all the things i am involved in. there is no way if i had kids i would be able to invest as much time and energy in my workplace. there is no way i would be able to say "yes" to all the things i say yes to, so i am grateful that this is the season in my life for this.
3. He is my constant. when things get hairy during my day; i am so thankful i have Him to hear my deepest heart's cries and my most ridiculous frustrations.
4. my motivation truly is to bring glory to His Kingdom. my job, my life, my everything is not about me. it's about laying down myself at His feet daily; by the hour, by the minute and even by the second. i don't always do this well; in fact, i stink at it a lot of the time because i am a slightly OCD, control freak but i am seeking to do this more intentionally.
5. little conversations that keep me going. on friday i had a conversation with a 5 year old about the cross on my keychain one of my sweet friends gave me. this 5 year old asked me about the cross and told me that Jesus died on it. i talked with him about why Jesus died on the cross and told him it was so that we could go to heaven if Jesus was living in our hearts. and he immediately piped up and asked me what heaven was like. i contemplated for a minute about how i was going to answer such a broad question to a 5 year old, but i told him to imagine the BEST thing he could ever imagine in his life. he told me that it was to have a big house and to be able to play basketball. and i told him the heaven would be that and more. and with all the innocence of a 5 year old he said to me, 'does that mean Jesus will play basketball with me?' and smiling like a fool i answered him, 'yeah, buddy, i think that it absolutely means that Jesus will play basketball with you.'
6. seeing the Kingdom burst forth. last sunday our pastor talked about the beatitudes and about how being blessed is when God is bursting forth from your life. he continued on with it a bit today about where we see the Kingdom bursting forth in our own lives and in people's lives around us. i see the Kingdom burst forth daily; be it in a conversation that i have with a 5 year old about heaven, in talking with an 8 year old about the Jesus music that i play in my car, in seeing a mother of three grasp the concept of budgeting so she can afford to feed her family, in seeing a woman just two years younger than myself smile and laugh for the first time in weeks as she struggles with depression, in a conversation with my sweet fifteen year old friend who gave me the cross keychain that points me back to what's really important, and the list could go on and on...i see the Kingdom burst forth daily, even hourly and that is a privilege. a privilege that an inadequate 20 something year old never fathomed God would bless her with.
7. being inadequate and God using me anyway. i probably will never understand this, but i am so thankful that HIS power is made perfect in my weakness; that He has designed me intricately and perfectly as a part of the Body of Christ to make an eternal difference but that i am not created to do it all by myself.
8. that as i've typed this list has gotten easier and easier to continue and to add on to and to remind myself of the truly important things in life and what i am really thankful for.

so while i may still be dreading my alarm going off in the morning, simply because i am not a morning person, i am hopeful and confident that i will go into my work week with restored confidence and a new peace as i remember why i am thankful for what i do even when the going gets rough.

thank you God...for bursting forth in so many areas around me. may i be the salt and light of the earth you have called us to be, not just this week but for now and always.